Cyber Bullying Exist in the Traffic Exchange World

Things Get a Little Messy When the Stones Come Back at You

The pot has been boiling for months, you know the story, school yard bully throwing stones and tossing insults to other kids on the playground that is the worldwide web. Let me be clear, all of the players in this little dust-up are people I consider friends so with that said… what boiled to the surface has been in the soup for a while and many on the sidelines know it even if they would never say it.

If you run a Google search of recent comments I’ve posted on many traffic exchange related blogs you will discover that I am an advocate of letting people run their own businesses and furthermore recognizing that there are many ways to do so successfully. Social surfing vs old school non-social surfing, social sites vs non-social sites, owner provided customer support vs staff provided customer support, script A vs script B… nanner, nanner, nanner… how about try to make a few pennies a day vs why not a few hundred, building a chat presence vs building a list, and it goes on and on and on and on! The truth is that there are many examples of successful sites and online business owners representative of each of these models and many more.

The truth is there has been a fair amount of “bullying” going on in conference rooms and on blogs over the past few months and the people being kicked around have many successes to their credit, they are proven leaders have thousands of customers and loyal followers. This post is not written to plead their case, feel sorry for them, or start picking sides… it’s not my style. I am merely an observer like most of you with an opinion that I am not afraid to express.

Sooner or later every bully get’s exposed on the play ground it’s an unwritten law of the universe. When it happens you recognize it immediately, like that famous scene from the movie “A Christmas Story” when Ralphie finally decides he has had enough. There is allot of sensitivity to school yard bullying these days so I hope you can appreciate my humor in sharing this video clip before I share my points.

Go ahead and press play… you know you can’t resist

0 Cyber Bullying Exist in the Traffic Exchange World

Click through to YouTube to watch the video

I hope you are laughing or I will never again attempt humor!

Now that you have had a little laugh you can appreciate what I have to say in all seriousness because it is a serious subject.

People who live in glass houses should never throw stones… that is not new and deep down inside we know this is great advice. The lesson becomes all too real and may even hurt when we realize that everyone of us lives in a glass house… yep all of us.

The next time you or I declare that we have the authority to decide what is the right way or the wrong way to run a business or assume the authority to elevate saints and cast out demons, we must recognize that we are serving no one and ultimately dis-serving ourselves. Remember the bully always get’s exposed in the end!

I recently spent a great evening at my high school reunion (never mind which year) and the bullies were no where to be found… seriously, they were no where! Bullies spend four years ruling their universe and making others lives miserable and then simply fade away. It is the nerds, the geeks, the respectful ones, the goody two shoes that grow up to be Bill Gates or Meg Whitman, Ghandi or Mother Teresa, the mentor or the teacher. They live rich lives… get all of the pretty girls and handsome guys… and rule their universe for a lifetime. Something to think about!

So I encourage you when given the choice to respect the freewill of others, to honor diversity that is the essence of community, to celebrate individuality, or to criticize others, make broad and damning statements, or cast other stones… chose the high road, the one that provides value for others and is grounded in truth.

Please share your thoughts by scrolling down to the bottom of this post and leaving your comments. I am here to help you succeed, to design that perfect vision of your Internet lifestyle and offer whatever assistance I can to make it your reality.

Have a blessed day!

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James Holmes, Global Team Builder, Coach and Trainer, combining online and offline techniques to help you grow your business. To request a free 30 minute consultation contact James by phone at 303-523-9503 or email at james@AskJamesHolmes.com

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Category: Coaching, Personal Development, traffic exchanges

Tag: Cyber Bullying Exist in the Traffic Exchange World, traffic exchange community, traffic exchange owners

http://twitter.com/RealKymRobinson Kym Robinson

This is the funniest thing Ive seen in a while – sooo much more funnier considering everything that has gone on in TE land today!

Thanks for a great laugh James!
have a great day everyone

Kym Robinson – Proud Owner of Traffic Showdown
Mark Hodgetts

James this is a timely post made with conviction and sincerity – congratulations.
I’d just like to make a couple of points that I think are relevant.
With the advent of programs like Sweeva – which actively encourage feedback and participation there is always the potential for things to get out of hand and often it takes a well meaning remark taken the wrong way to escalate in to full scale war.
I’ve basically retreated from being involved in programs like this because the potential for meaningful dialogue and interaction is just not being realized.
For a while I attempted to help people by pointing out that they should be using a squeeze page or splash page rather than advertising another coolie cutter site but you can’t tell people who don;t want to hear – so I now make no comments at all.
As you say there is no one right way to build a business and it is terribly confusing for new people in the market to be assaulted with 998 versions of “the one right way”.
The previous 12 months (2010) were hard for me as I struggled to adapt to the changing online environment and was frustrated with some of the developments in online marketing which I viewed as unethical. It is fair to say that some of my blog postings reflected this.
The penny dropped for me when I posted an entry exposing a program for what it was – a sham and alerted my subscribers to the posting. I was stunned by the response – I lost a lot of subscribers – who just didn’t want to know.
Now I prefer to stick to being positive and endorsing the systems, procedures and evergreen programs that I know work for me – getting involved in negativity is a waste of time, effort and most importantly money.
Mark Hodgetts

James this is a timely post made with conviction and sincerity – congratulations.
I’d just like to make a couple of points that I think are relevant.
With the advent of programs like Sweeva – which actively encourage feedback and participation there is always the potential for things to get out of hand and often it takes a well meaning remark taken the wrong way to escalate in to full scale war.
I’ve basically retreated from being involved in programs like this because the potential for meaningful dialogue and interaction is just not being realized.
For a while I attempted to help people by pointing out that they should be using a squeeze page or splash page rather than advertising another coolie cutter site but you can’t tell people who don;t want to hear – so I now make no comments at all.
As you say there is no one right way to build a business and it is terribly confusing for new people in the market to be assaulted with 998 versions of “the one right way”.
The previous 12 months (2010) were hard for me as I struggled to adapt to the changing online environment and was frustrated with some of the developments in online marketing which I viewed as unethical. It is fair to say that some of my blog postings reflected this.
The penny dropped for me when I posted an entry exposing a program for what it was – a sham and alerted my subscribers to the posting. I was stunned by the response – I lost a lot of subscribers – who just didn’t want to know.
Now I prefer to stick to being positive and endorsing the systems, procedures and evergreen programs that I know work for me – getting involved in negativity is a waste of time, effort and most importantly money.
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Hello Mark – It’s an honor to have you stop by my blog and post your comments. I appreciate your points and I have read and commented on your blog over the past few months as well.

I agree that there is a fair amount of sensitivity among the online community and well intended constructive criticism can be mistaken and cause hurt feelings and problems.

As for staying out of the fray, as a general principle I tend to do as you have stated “stay out of it”… but what gets under my skin is people who can dish it out but can’t take it. In my view if you can’t take it don’t dish it out. Champions can give a good punch and they can take one as well. Bullies can dish it out… big-time, but never seem to be able to take it. That has been my experience.

I don’t intend to get caught up in a protracted battle… I just wanted to exercise my right to respectfully state my opinion.

Thank you Mark for sharing your views.

James
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Hey Kym – It has been quite a couple of weeks and I say your name in the fray… I am glad that I could inject a bit of humor to help illustrate an important point.

Congratulations on your continued success!

James
Elysse Curry

James,
You hit a home run with the wisdom and insight that under girds this post. It takes tremendous courage to turn the other cheek. Even Jesus lost it with the money changers. The difference in opinions and bully mentality is one seed of many that propagates wars of any nature. Thanks for taking a touchy uncomfortable situation and bringing clarity.
http://www.facebook.com/websbest Matthew Graves

Hi James,

I cannot agree with you more. As the saying goes “There is more than one way to skin a cat!”. Not that I am recommending anyone for a “skinning” mind you.

Each of us need to find our own way of what works and doesn’t for our business. There is no magic bullet, nor would anyone want all the programs to be exactly alike, with the same features and business model.

I started in this business 10 years ago with WebBizInsider. I found a few sites that I liked and modeled some of their features while also adding my own ideas. Over the years, you have to change and adapt, which has led each site to the place they are now. Nothing wrong with that.

I think that part of what we see online is the tendency today toward “talking trash” about other people. Watch 5 minutes of a teenager or young adult playing XBox Live and it is quickly illustrated. The personal insults and barbs go back and forth like you or I would say “Hi”. This mentality is seeping into business and adult relationships where people feel it is ok to “call people out” in public. It doesn’t help that the culture rewards those who misbehave with even more attention. Reality shows and celebrities make their living by focusing on controversy and personal tragedy. It is a sad place that we live in sometimes.

My approach is simply to not fall into that trap. Stay who you are. Be professional and treat others with respect. As you say, over time, respect and humility will pay off. In the end, this is a business and the relationships you have with members are business relationships. Treat it with respect and don’t pander to the worst parts of the human psyche.

“If wealth is lost, nothing is lost. If health is lost, something is lost. But, if character is lost, everything is lost.”

Thanks for the opportunity James!

Matthew Graves
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Elysse – Thank you for your comments here and I appreciate that you recognize my intention in writing the post… do no harm, focus on what works for you while serving others and more. Knowing so much about your integrity makes your comments even more meaningful.

Have a blessed day!

James
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Matthew – Thank you for sharing your views which are so well and perfectly expressed here. I am certain over 10 years you have seen allot and could validate both the depth and personal nature of these trends… perhaps it is just a small part of a broader problem as you point out here.

I think you touch on the core essence of my intentions in sharing my thoughts and I appreciate the leadership you demonstrate in this industry as acknowledged by so many… I hear this about you often.

I hope you check back in again soon and have a blessed day!

James
Rick DeNoyer

None of the debates that you mentioned above really have any impact on the TE user. However, one feud you did not mention, the Puddy clan vs Smiley denies every user of the opportunity to promote their programs at the TE of their choice.
Rick DeNoyer

None of the debates that you mentioned above really have any impact on the TE user. However, one feud you did not mention, the Puddy clan vs Smiley denies every user of the opportunity to promote their programs at the TE of their choice.
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Hello Rick – Thank you for reading my post and taking time to comment. I was completely unaware of the Puddy v Smiley issue you raise until this year… I don’t know how far it goes back. I am understanding that it has gone so far as to include splash pages that have nothing to do with any specific sites, but are created with a specif software that is banned… that surprised me.

I think all owners have the responsibility to do what is best for the traffic exchange industry advertisers, surfers, owners, and related programs. I don’t think the bickering and debates when turned personal serve anyone.

You are welcomed back anytime!

James
http://twitter.com/iamraincrystal Rosyel Sawali

Hello James,

I’ve just read this post and I thank you for it. You’ve pointed out differences clearly. More importantly, your post doesn’t pick a fight with anyone or tell them they are wrong and you are right. Trying to make money online is serious business as I’ve come to realize. I must admit I have a long way to go. I’ve been actively doing online marketing for almost a year now, trying a few different paths to see where each one leads. Just recently I’ve decided to focus my efforts. I’m currently working on my own email series and will promote as soon as I’m ready. Till then keep on inspiring others! ^_^

Rain
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Hello Rosyel – I appreciate your comments and the fact that you recognize that I am not calling any specific person out here… people will “self-select” if it applies to them and hopefully take it as friendly advice as intended. Not picking any fights… it’s anti-bullting afterall.

You are right, making money online is serious business and I see that you are commited to the work, which is the key to your success. Best wishes with the development of your email series and please feel free to connect with me if I can help you in anyway.

Have a blessed weekend and thank you for commenting!

James
http://patsyjpayne.com Patsy j Payne

Thank u James for voicing what so many people have felt. I read the other posts and have nothing to add. The other comments simply enhance your post.
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Hello Patsy – Thank you for readng my post and the associated comments. I appreciate your integrity and feel you are a true model representing what is great about the traffic exchange community and our members.

Hope you return here to read and post your thoughts soon!

James
http://www.facebook.com/kaye.towne Kaye Towne

Hmm it would seem this post was forgotten about and todays recent events force me to bring it to light on a social networking site
http://www.facebook.com/people/Bill-Gavel/100000114110349 Bill Gavel

Well said James and I love the article thank you very much for sharing
Linda O.

James,
Very well said. With the age of social media, things can get said that can never be taken back. Written words are out there for others to see for years to come.

It saddens me to see bullying, name-calling, etc. This distracts us from our purpose, which is to build relationships and promote our businesses.

Thank you for taking the time to write this!

Linda O.
Wendy

It’s a sad situation when you can’t help people by warning them of a site where they could potentially lose money.

Mark, you’ve been online a long time; I would think your experience & knowledge would be welcomed.

It’s a shame it’s come to this; experience & knowledge silenced when it could do everyone so much good.
http://www.cherylryning.com/ Cheryl Ryning

Very well said James. I totally agree, it’s the old what goes around, come’s around. You come in to this world with one thing, your good name, and that’s what you leave this world with.

Treat and respect other’s as you would like to be treated and respected. I might not always agree with everyone online, but if they are good people I can take some of the thing’s I agree with and leave the rest. And maybe, just maybe, I can leave them with something positive…

Bullying has no place in life. It’s about caring, sharing, and growing together. The internet world is huge! But if you behave wrong and treat other’s badly, it will become a very small world, and you will cut your own throat. So choose wisely, please. I f you choose to hurt anyone, someone will take you down diplomatically.

I know first hand, someone in one of my circle’s willingly chose to rip many off for a lot of money! I loved him dearly, but he hurt way too many live’s. Waited for the right moment, and took him down diplomatically. It hurt but something had to be done.

I hope and pray to never deal with a situation like that again. It’s painful, but it’s so wrong! I love the internet community, a lot of great people here. I only hope that I can encourage and help other’s, as other’s have helped and encouraged me.

Cheryl Ryning
bartendermo

great article james yes its very sad to see the bullies trying to make ev1 do as they say or be excluded. But as the smarter ones find out it’s better to be excluded from the circle of bullies this way you can be your own person and run your OWN business the way YOU want to run your business. Afterall are we not here to find ways to help us make money online for ourselves not to just make money for the other guy? there are too many ways online to make money for yourself. the whole idea of starting your own business online is it’s your OWN business with your own ideas not someone telling you do this or else. where would we be today if people like Thomas Edison listened to what bullies told him to do. Bullies are like the govenment they expect you to do as they say only because it will benefit them not you in the end.
http://tesurfsocial.com/ Marcy McManaway

Wow James, Love the post. It was time that someone stepped up to the plate and said what is right. I have felt the tension even tho I try to stay away from it for the most part. We all have the right to be here and to do our business the way we see fit for us. Be a Leader, not a Dictator…….Social is great if it’s not taken advantage of. I think it’s time alot of us step back and rethink how we are treating people and if it’s helping or hindering them.
Deborah Marslender

Hello all; I’m not an owner;just a hard surfing member that gets stepped on and bruised in the fray. It encourages me to hear your comments ; and gives me cause to continue my endeavor as a surfer in an effort to grow/build my business.

Our hearts and intent as owner and member are one ; and I thank you for the chance to work and know I don’t have to dodge stones.

blessings from sunny south Alabama;Deborah
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Hello Marcy – Thank you for reading my post and for your comments… I appreciate you contribution. Your comment “I think it’s time alot of us step back and rethink how we are treating people and if it’s helping or hindering them” is 100% correct… most everyone I know in this industry have good intent, so deciding to build people up as opposed to taking pleasure in tearing them down is were real value will emerge.
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Hey Mo – I appreciate your reading my post and commenting. As you were describing your idea of a bully wanting to dictate “do this or else” … it sounds like a boss, which no one comes online to find (a boss). Regardless if one is a beginner, intermediate, or advanced online business owner, what we should seek is mentors and peers who are like-minded seeking to created shared value within the relationship.
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Cheryl – Nice to meet you! I just spent a little time on your blog and I see we share many common values towards working with people. The word “diplomatically” is such a key concept. Ask any mentor, consult the Bible, look at examples is traditional business… they all teach that if someone is in need of correction do so in private with intent to help that person improve. Cyber bullying always has a motive that is to harm another often for personal gain. You comments hold wisdom and are greatly appreciated! Please stop back and visit anytime!
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Linda – Thank you for reading my post and commenting. Social media can be a tool for good or a weapon to exercise bad intent. It also has a unique way of exposing a persons true intent… it is the old ” how about if I just watch what you do as opposed to trusting what you say at face value.” There so many well meaning and helpful people in our community that we can connect with that we don’t need to spend too much time worrying about the others. In time everyone comes to light anyway. I am really enjoying getting to know you and Perry as an example of great people!
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Hello Bill – I recognize that you are one of the reasons that this post has seen so many reads and comments in recent days. Unless someone has walked in your shoes, they really are not in a position to judge your journey. The bigger questions are 1.) Have you learned something from your unique experience 2.) Have you corrected the situation to ensure it doesn’t reoccur 3.) Have you taken steps to make your members whole. 4.) Are you clear that job one is to add value for your member to regain trust. If you can say yes to these questions there is no need for judgement as everyone has the ability to say yes or no to your site based on their own conclusions. Thank you for commenting.
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Hi Kaye – I was made aware of it all… with respect to the specific incident, my comments to Bill Gravel above is what I feel is true. On the bigger topic of cyber-bullying… many people have died as a result of it, so it remains a very real topic that people should take seriously. It is for sure a issue I feel strongly about. I appreciate you for remembering this post.
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Hello Deborah – Beautifully said and I appreciate your comments here. It is nice to hear from someone who is a customer of our industry wanting to make traffic exchanges work. At the end of the day it is people like you that we are here to serve. Thank you for commenting and please feel free to contact me if I can help you in anyway.
http://www.AskJamesHolmes.com/ JamesHolmesOnline

Hello Wendy – I think you may have mus-interpreted either my post or perhaps some of the follow up comments from either readers or myself. I think Mark and I are in complete agreement on the core principles stated in his comments as I stated. Here is the point… there is a huge difference in pulling someone aside in private and offering constructive criticism or guidance to help everyone involved as opposed to ‘flaming them in public’ as judge, jury, and executioner. Likewise, there is a huge difference between offering a constructive review of a website or offering a warning based on fact as opposed to being motivated by a desire to build your business by tearing down another. I think most everyone would agree on that.

Mark Hodgetts is a tremendous person and offers some great advice supported by his personal experiences as expressed in his comments above. Thank you for commenting!
http://www.myt-bear2.com/ Michael Champion

Hello James,

I really love what you say here as Linda and I have fallen under the hands of some bullies online ourselves and our striving to get back what we have lost which seems to be some respect, and all because of a few mistakes I have made in the past. Some of those mistakes yes I do regret, but some of the other what other people call mistakes, have also made me realize that we were struggling to find our own area of where we could be most helpful. Now, that we have decided where we can be most helpful we still have a handful of people scrutinizing us, thank you for this post, I’m hoping it will wake some people up. Notice, I am not mentioning any names here as they all know who they are. I would however like to thank Kaye Towne, Chris Osborne, Carol Walczak, Georgia Ryle and many others and hopefully you all know who you are, for still being there for us and behind us while others have decided to play the bully against us.
http://www.facebook.com/craigcar0n Craig Caron

James great post on Bullying.

I used to get bullied in school but always had my brother to protect me.

I have seen alot of people get bullied online as well but even getting scammed is a for of Bullying

people who are victims are also bullies as well.

I know alot of kids are involved with cyberbullying but I have been witness to people cyber bullying others just to get them into their programs.

I say stop the crap and be a decent person.

Peoples feelings get hurt and emotions fly whether its online or offline

Thanks
Craig
Philippe Moisan

Hey Mark,

The last part you wrote is enlightening. I always wonder if it’s a good idea to talk about programs that are not so good, your comment confirms I better shut up about those.

Philippe

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Cyber Bullying Exist in the Traffic Exchange World